Good Friday

To know what is true and to do what is good. If I could boil it all down I think it comes down to this. But to walk this path is not easy. The world deceives and we too deceive ourselves. St. Thomas Moore (I think) once said something like this: the animals serve God with the raw beauty of instinct; the angels serve God with the pure clarity of intellect; but we humans, we must serve Him through the thick tangle of our minds.

And how easy it is to get stuck, to get caught up in crap that really doesn't matter. The clothes I wear, the car I drive, what people think about me, weather or not the life I'm living is "normal." It's all the worries of the ego. And we are not free. We are not free from ourselves or from the societal structures that enmesh us, that put us into debt to keep us working and achieving, that numb us from the realities that exisit outside the narrow confines of our own worlds, that always leave us lusting for more, more, more. The Babylon system is the vampire. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. And this whole system propagates itself on the presumtion that we remain inert, apathetic, and driven by our own base appitites.

Maybe this is why we call this day Good Friday, because through Christ's death we celebrate our own death: to ego, to sinfulness, to self-centered living, on both the personal and societal levels. But as with all things in this temporal realm, this dying is a process ; it is not yet complete. Still, through faith we know that Resurrection awaits.

Lost

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers.
I have made this place for you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying
Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand Still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

- David Wagner

Ecumenical Advocacy Days

"Vox victimarum vox Dei. The cries of the victims are the voice of God. To the extent that those cries are not heard above the din of our political, cultural, economic, social, and ecclesial celebrations or bickerings, we have already begun a descent into hell. " (Matthew Lamb)

Just finished a 4 day conference with about a thousand Christians of all sorts who come together each year with a common concern for the status of our world. Part of me, reacting to the evangelical fundamentalism that has hijacked the faith in many ways, wants to say that these are true Christians, not the Christians who so easily confuse God and nation, who refuse or are unable to see beyond the bubble of comfort and self-righteousness. The same part of me wants to claim that these folks live the horizontal dimension of the cross as well as the vertical, who see themselves as channels of God’s transforming Spirit who is working to renew the Earth in justice and peace. I want to know that I am on the right side.

And maybe this is true. But the moment I do this I shut myself off and make a demon of the "other." I either tune myself in to the interior buzz of criticism and anger, or to the hum of self-contentment in knowing that I'm walking on the right side of the road. These ways do not lead to growth. How can I be attentive to vox victimarum and vox Dei if all I hear is my own chatter? Or the chatter of politique?

America leaves me much to be critical and angry about and I probably should articulate that at some time, but not tonight.

Downward Mobility

Just came back from visiting my cousins in Baltimore. Much of the day was spent lying around watching HBO crime series and anime on a gigantic TV. I ate some left-over Popeye’s chicken for breakfast and fell asleep on the couch.

My cousin was in jail for a little over a month this past spring due to visa issues, and now she and her children are waiting for their hearing which will decide if they’ll be deported back to the Philippines. They definitely don’t want to go back but they don’t seem to be bugging out about their pending futures.

I still haven’t heard back from the one contact we have in the Philippines which means I still don’t have a placement there. I’m trying not to get too anxious but it is a little unsettling.

The irony in any case is blaring. The poor cousins are fighting to stay in this country because here there is hope to achieve the good life and to have opportunities, the very same opportunities that I, through my parents, have been freely given. And what does rich cousin do with this precious opportunity? He goes right back to the place that is “too hot” and “too poor” for anything to be good! What a dumbass!

The grass is always greener, Runger. It always is. Still I feel crazy trying awkwardly to explain myself to my relatives here when they ask me why I’m going. I know I’m supposed to be a witness for Christ and Gospel values but I sure suck at it. Hopefully what I am doing is not a slap in the face or a kick in the junk to them. Hopefully they don’t think I think any less of them for pursuing the American dream. Hopefully they can see that we’re all just chasing our joy wherever that may lead us.

Don't Just Do Something... Sit There!

I think that’s a title to a self-help book… if not, it should be. Anyway, we’ve been doing a lot of silent/prayer meditation lately and it has been good. Amidst a world of incessant sensory input I’ve been learning the value of just sitting and having a listen to what’s inside.

Recently I read something by Thomas Merton in which he speaks about the soul's journey as a double movement: the movement inward toward the depths of oneself, and the movement outward to find one's center not in oneself but in God. It's another one of those great paradoxes: Only by going inward can we live a life of complete surrender to the Other (i.e. to God, to neighbor, to the cosmic dance of creation), and it is only here that we find true joy and purpose, for it is only by choosing to lose our lives that we are able to find them.

So yeah. Much, much more yet to grasp. Glimmers of truth about the goodness and depth of that which is slip away as quickly as they appear, and once again I find myself in the mundane…

In other news, I cut my own hair this past week. Just with my hands and a pair of scissors. I’ve been doing this for a while now. It gives a man a rare sort of primal pride and accomplishment to do this. Give it a try yourself!